


Find My Way

by 27summer



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 14:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1351258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27summer/pseuds/27summer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After episode 5x12, Rachel and Quinn have a discussion about what they want in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find My Way

Leaving the school, Rachel spotted Quinn leaning against a car. Before she had time to really think about it or change her mind, she jogged over to her. “Hey.”

“Oh, hi, Rachel.” Quinn turned to her and smiled. “How are you?”

“It’s tough being back here but I’m glad I came.”

“Me, too. It’s hard to believe Glee Club’s going to be gone. That Sue’s actually getting her way. It’s crazy.”

“Yeah.” Rachel sighed, shaking her head. “Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe we all were meant to go our separate ways.”

Quinn frowned. “You don’t really mean that.”

“I think I do. Look how we act when we get together. Mercedes and I compete with each other like it’s senior year all over again. And Santana-”

“Santana’s crazy. You live with her, you know that,” Quinn interrupted.

“Not anymore.” Rachel hesitated but she had to ask. She had to know. “Was she lying to make me feel bad? Did you two really name me Prom Queen because you felt sorry for me?”

“It’s not like that.”

Rachel spun around. She couldn’t listen to this. “I can’t believe this. Why would you hurt me like that? Santana’s one thing but I thought you and I were friends.”

“We are!” Quinn reached out, forcing Rachel to look at her. “It’s not- It wasn’t a joke. You were so sad. I wanted to make you happy.”

Rachel watched as Quinn pleaded with her. She seemed to be sincere and Rachel wanted desperately to believe her. Quinn had always affected her, caused feelings to stir up inside and she wanted to believe she meant something to her. It was just so hard. She’d had years of Quinn and Santana tormenting her. She’d thought they were past that but then Santana started in on her again. How could she trust that Quinn wouldn’t turn on her, too? “I still don’t understand why. I mean, you worked so hard to be Queen junior year. Why would you give it up so easily the next year?”

Quinn shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it. I just wanted to see you smile. When I saw that I’d won, it just didn’t mean what I thought it would.”

“I don’t understand you, Quinn.” Rachel softened, slipping her hand into Quinn’s and squeezing. “You’re full of surprises.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never know what to expect from you. You give up prom queen for me. You give me train tickets but never come to see me. You talk about leaving the past behind you but you kiss Noah.” Rachel laughed at the shock on Quinn’s face. “Yeah, I saw that.”

Quinn blew out a breath, backing away but keeping her hand in Rachel’s. “We were talking and it just seemed to make sense. He knows me. I don’t have to be someone else with him.”

“So you’re settling?” Rachel asked, squeezing Quinn’s hand again. “I thought once you got into Yale, you started going after what you deserve.”

“Maybe Puck’s all I deserve,” Quinn muttered, backing away and releasing her grip on Rachel’s hand. “That’s what Biff said.”

Rachel snorted. “Biff doesn’t know the real you.”

“I don’t know the real me. I keep trying to find somebody to love me but I keep screwing it up.” Quinn winced when tears filled her eyes.

“Quinn, it’s okay. I don’t think any of us knows who were are. We’re young. It’s the time we figure that out.” Rachel turned away, giving Quinn a moment to collect herself. No matter how much she wanted to fix this, she knew better than to push her into talking before she was ready.”

“I don’t know what to say to that.” Quinn leaned back against her car, smiling when Rachel settled next to her. “I think you think I’m better than I actually am.”

“No. I think you can be anything you want. I just think you have to want it.” Rachel playfully elbowed her side. “What do you want, Quinn Fabray?”

“I- I still don’t really know,” Quinn said, after a moment of thought. “I think I still want to be an actress. I mean, I love my classes and my professors have all said I’m making good progress. But- but there’s this part of me that just wants to be loved. I want to be accepted. Is that too much too ask?”

Rachel laughed, sobering quickly at Quinn’s glare. “I’m not laughing at you. I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way.”

“Oh, sure.”

“I’m serious. I’ve got my dream job. I’m going to be on Broadway. But sometimes, I still feel like the girl getting slushied all the time.” Rachel took Quinn’s face in her hands. “I think this is maybe something everyone goes through before they find the place where they belong. But you’re going to do great, Quinn. I just know it.”

“I’m glad someone does.”

Rachel couldn’t help but caress Quinn’s cheek. It was nice. Weird but nice. She’d had so few chance to be this close to her. “I know what it is to have your plans completely fall apart.”

“Rachel-”

“No, this isn’t a feel sorry for me thing,” Rachel said firmly, placing a finger over Quinn’s mouth. “I had all these plans and they’re not going to happen. I’m always going to miss Finn but there’s a part of me that feels free. I’m not tied to those silly romantic dreams I had as a fifteen year old. And it’s okay.”

“It is?”

“Yes. It seems so silly. I’m 18. I shouldn’t be connected to anyone seriously right now.” Rachel blew out a breath. “As strange as it sounds, I feel like I can do anything. I just have figure out what I want to do.”

“Aren’t you scared?” Quinn asked, staring at Rachel in disbelief.

“I’m terrified.” Rachel laughed. “But that’s how I’m supposed to feel. My life’s just starting.”

“Not everyone is as brave as you are, Rachel.” Quinn stared at her in admiration.

“I think you’re selling yourself short.” Quinn shook her head, resting against the car once again.

“You’re overestimating me.”

“I’m not.” Rachel locked eyes with Quinn, not allowing her to look away. “If you can honestly say that Noah or Biff or whoever is right for you, I’ll back off. But you don’t have to fit into some image that someone else wants you to be. Not Biff’s perfect trophy wife or Noah’s first love. You can be great, Quinn.”

“I want to be,” Quinn whispered, eyes shiny with tears. “But I’m afraid to do it by myself.”

“You won’t be by yourself. You don’t have to have a man to have people in your corner.” Rachel patted Quinn’s shoulder. “I’ll be in New Haven whenever you want.”

“You haven’t visited yet,” Quinn pointed out.

“You never asked.” Rachel rolled her eyes at both her and Quinn’s silliness. “Maybe we were both scared to make the first move. But I want to change that. I could use a friend I’m not competing with all the time.”

“A friend,” Quinn repeated, shoulders slumping. “There’s something I should probably tell you. It might change your mind.”

“I very much doubt that.”

Rachel watched with concern as Quinn took a deep breath, clearly gathering her thoughts. What could possibly be so upsetting? Finally, Quinn met her eyes. “Biff wasn’t the only relationship I had at Yale.”

“Santana mentioned you dated your professor.” Rachel scrunched her nose up. “But it’s over, right?”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Of course she told you. But yeah, it’s over. There’s something else. I’m kind of surprised she didn’t tell you about it.”

“What?”

“It was one time. I slept with someone. A girl.”

“What?” Rachel cringed when Quinn’s face fell. “It’s- it’s all right. No judgment. I’m surprised but it’s all right.”

“You’re not the only one.” Quinn scoffed. “I freaked. I didn’t want to deal with what it meant so I ran back to Yale and found a Fabray-approved boyfriend that I could pretend with. I didn’t want Biff. And I don’t want Puck. I just want to be accepted.”

“You don’t need a man for that.” Rachel reached out to Quinn but backed off after she held a hand up. “You can figure this out. It’s okay if you’re gay but sleeping with a woman doesn’t necessarily mean you are.”

“She wasn’t the only one. I- I’ve been attracted to a woman before. And I acted like a jerk.” Quinn shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe she still talks to me. I really don’t deserve it but she’s never given up on me.”

There was silence for a moment before Rachel understood what Quinn meant. “Oh.”

“Forget it. I didn’t mean- I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll go. I’m sorry.” Quinn walked around the car to the driver’s side, searching her purse frantically for her keys.

“No, Quinn, stop.” Rachel chased after her, pressing Quinn against the car so that she couldn’t move away from her. “Talk to me.”

Quinn closed her eyes. “Please don’t. I didn’t expect anything from you. I don’t even know what it means for me. I-”

“Calm down. Please. I’m surprised but it’s not the end of the world. I’m not angry.” Rachel attempted a smile. “In fact, it kind of makes sense.”

Quinn’s eyes flew open. “What?”

“Thinking back on everything. On how we interacted. You liked me.” Rachel put her hands on Quinn’s waist.

“That doesn’t make it right.” Quinn leaned into Rachel almost against her will.

“No, but I understand. And it doesn’t matter to me.” Rachel hugged her, resting her head against Quinn’s chest. “I’ll be here for you, Quinn.”

“Promise?” Quinn whispered, rubbing circles on Rachel’s back.

“Promise.” Rachel raised her head. “I can’t promise I’ll ever reciprocate. I’m not ready-”

“Rachel, I didn’t mean-”

“Let me finish. I’m not ready to date right now. And I’ve never really considered being with a woman.” Rachel slid a hand up to the back of Quinn’s neck. “But I can’t deny I’ve always felt a pull to you. That means something but I don’t know what exactly. And maybe one day we can explore that together. But not now.”

Quinn held tight to Rachel and nodded. “Not now. I just said it out loud for the first time. I’m not ready for anything right now, either. I’ve got to figure out my messed up life.”

“We’ll be friends, we’ll support each other. And if one day it turns into something more, terrific. But if it doesn’t, we’ll still be friends.” Rachel gazed at Quinn, her eyes shining.

“That sounds really nice.” Quinn grinned. “I really need a friend.”

“I’ll be there as long as you’ll have me.” Rachel got lost in her thoughts looking at Quinn, her eyes dropping to Quinn’s lips before returning to her eyes.

“Are you okay?” Quinn asked, noticing Rachel seemed to drift off for a moment.

“Yes.” Rachel paused before pressing her lips to Quinn’s. It was a soft, gentle kiss but Rachel got lost in it. She made herself pull back. “Sorry. I- I had to see what it’s like.”

“Not a problem.” Quinn stared at Rachel in a daze. “Although, it’s going to be difficult to wait to do that again.”

“Right,” Rachel said shyly. “But it felt good. I want more of it. When we figure things out, I want you to be with me.”

Quinn nodded, a silly smile on her face. “I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Me, either.”

“I want to be good enough for you.”

“You are.” Rachel frowned at Quinn putting herself down.

“No. I need to get myself together and maybe I will be.” Quinn released her grip on Rachel. “I need to talk to Puck and tell him I can’t be with him and then I need to figure out what I want and who I am.”

Rachel nodded and backed slightly away. “And I need to be someone other than Finn’s future wife.”

“But after we’ve done that,” Quinn smirked. “I think we’ll have a lot of fun together.”

“Yeah.” Rachel felt herself leaning in again and forced herself to move completely away.

Quinn sighed, able to breathe now that Rachel wasn’t pressing against her. “Do you want a ride home?”

“Yes. I came with Kurt but I ditched him and he already left,” Rachel said, scanning the parking lot and not finding his car.

“Let’s go then.”

Rachel grabbed Quinn’s arm before she got into the car. “You’re going to be great, Quinn. Even if this thing doesn’t work out between us, you’re going to find your place in the world.”

“I’m finally starting to believe that.” Quinn nodded.

“Good.” Rachel get into the car and smiled at Quinn. It felt like her life was finally making sense. She was finally heading


End file.
